Chelsea Grin - Ashes to Ashes: Masterlord SteelDragon's Decree

Upon finding a suitably steamy batch of manure (preferably fresh from the bowels of an herbivore), the dung beetle will fashion it into a ball and roll it forward in a straight line over any and all obstacles. I recently watched a video in which a number of rather ambitious dung beetles pushed their respective fecal orbs up a small sand hill. Mysteriously, only one was able to conquer the dune, and it arrived at the peak swelling with pride in its feculent creation. With shining carapace it looked down at its beetle brothers - all pushing identical dung balls, but for some reason failing to clamber to the top.

Chelsea Grin is the ascended dung beetle. Apparently hailing from a magical land in Utah where guitars have only one string, they have somehow emerged from the droves of indistinguishable deathcore acts to relative popularity, likely with the aid of some unnamable cosmic force bent on the rape of Our Beloved Lady Metal and the theft of Her purity. Their latest album, Ashes to Ashes, offers you nothing more than what you'd expect: a cringe-worthy hour of brainless/shameless chuggery so disgraceful that my wife (Her Majesty Mrs. SteelDragon) pleaded with me to change her Spotify account to "private" before playing it.

Vintersorg - Naturbål: Masterlord SteelDragon's Decree

Masterlord SteelDragon has some time on his iron hands, and instead of searching for new employment or helping Mrs. SteelDragon out around the house, he's been putting it to good use: sitting atop his skull-throne with Trollson Cromcakes as his footstool, and his dominion stretching ever before him. It's given me the opportunity to listen to more music than usual, and one album in particular has been monopolizing my time. I don't like waxing poetic because real men don't wax anything ever, but Vintersorg's Naturbål is so deserving of your attention that I'm going to review it.